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Talk:New Horizon! Adventure 1/@comment-4080028-20161110031437
Sorry for the wait, a lot of unexpected stuff popped up just as I tried to begin reading, which is no real surprise for me there. Anyway, less of my bitter complaining and more of my review. Firstly, since it's been a while, I decided to first go back and skim over the prologue and our comments about it to refresh my memory and give me a better idea of where this chapter picked up from. With that in mind, well... The execution was amazing, though that's really not much of a shock for me, since you're one of the wiki's better writers, especially in terms of thinking in character and staying true to the themes and plot of a story. So that definitely shined here as it always does. My feelings and thoughts on the actual content though... hmm... as of now, I'm not quite sure what to say or think. It wasn't horrendously awful, so there's no need to fret there. You're noweher near the point where I would look down on your work or critique it so heavily. Though with that said, considering I've grown used to your more playful story telling in the past, and how that cemented the Skylines in my head as a cheery, fun bunch of pirates, and considering the somewhat more serious tone overall throughout this chapter, it left me feeling... odd? I don't know the exact word to sum up the feeling itself, but I wasn't quite settled in by the time I reached the end. Though seeing Nova smile and laugh and whatnot made me feel a little more "at home" so to speak. Like I could go "oh, OK, so this is still the Nova I know. Just that he doesn't have many people to play off of at the moment, so he's going to obviously be the 'fresh out of the Revolutionary Army and serious Dawn Breaker leader Nova' kind of guy." In short, I felt a bit more at ease while still keeping an open mind and seeing where you're going with this reboot of New Horizon. That said, well... yeah, the seriousness outweighing most of anything else still put me off a bit, though as I'm writing this, a thought did occur to me that I'm sure you'd bring up in response. I guess I should also take into account that after such a somber and downer farewell from Baltigo, it'd make sense that the serious tone would still linger a bit afterward. That isn't exactly something you'd get over in a snap, right? So I can totally understand why things are the way they are. May not be my cup of tea when reading a One Piece related story, but not everything has to be perfect all the time for it to be enjoyable. In the end, I'm reading your story, not mine. And accepting New Horizon's new feel for what it is may be more beneficial than I may know. ...But I guess I'm beating this subject to death now. Sorry. lol Back to the chapter, well, all things considered, it was a good read. Nice easy, smooth introduction into the actual plot to come, so I applaud you for that accomplishment. Heh, calling Muddybeard a flasher was probably the most amusing thing I read in the whole chapter. I needed something funny to shake me out of the "super serious" tone I was interpreting there. And I guess finally, because I'm not sure if there's much for me to cover that 13th hasn't already pointed out, I was curious about two things during the chapter. One, I know who the time manipualting man is supposed to be and what reference you were making there, but I have no clue who this split personality woman is. If you don't want spoilers for your story in the comments, feel free to let me know anywhere else you feel may be a safe place to share information. Hell, if you want to surprise me, that's fine too. Not a big deal if I don't know her identity right away. Just that you caught my attention when you began making references to things outside New Horizon. Now that there's mention of someone I assume I should know by now, I'm undoubtedly going to be interested in finding out her identity some day. Secondly, something of a bigger priority in my opinion, is when Nova mentions bursting upward through the ship and meeting more water. I was picturing his situation in my mind while reading (as I usually always do,) and the mental image I had conflicted with what you wrote, which left me confused. If he's in the lower levels of the ship as it's sinking, then wouldn't bursting upward to the deck mean reaching fresh air and sunlight and stuff? I don't quite understand- ... And now it just hit me that the ship may have capsized and have been upside down the entire time. Funny how I figure things out in mid-review like this. XD Though that also brings up a concern I have now: If it did indeed capsize, I may need to bring up something I feel may be lacking in this chapter. That being more detail. Don't get me wrong, you lend perfectly understandable and legible details to the important events and characters that we're supposed to be following. But when it comes to moments like these, where the main protagonist is in a dire situation and needs to think of a way out... well, I would have just appreciated getting more information regarding the ship and its current state myself. That's all. Though on a final note, I'm starting to wonder if you even intended for the ship to upside down at all... o_0 ...This is too confusing to work out right now. XD So I'll let you answer the question for me whenever you feel like. Nicely made chapter here, Ferno. As much as I miss the older incarnations of Nova meeting our mystery guardian, which may or may not have involved a particularly shaped fruit... XD ...I still look forward to how our Reef Island adventure progresses all the same. :) Best of luck in developing the revised New Horizon my friend.